Good Advice

"Make a decision and stick with it. After all, you know what the truth is and you know what should be done about it. Don't be afraid to speak your mind, for you have the authority now to tell it exactly like it is. Granted, you may upset someone with your uncharacteristic obstinacy, but don't let this be your primary concern. You need to say what is real and then deal with the consequences as they play out."

Against my better judgment, I gave my heart away and it got bruised. I had plans to spend the night with my new man on Friday & was blown off. I am shocked. This man is almost 20 years older than me, but doesn't seem to learned some of the basic considerations that we should all have by nearly 60. It is cool though, at least I was not in too deep and can walk away and hold my head up high. I work with this person, so will have to see him everyday. I can deal with that; I have dealt with worse situations and lived. I knew I was not ready, but was talked into this relationship. Live and learn.

I really hate this game!

Waiting.....

Life has settled into a peaceful lull. The waiting is the only difficult chore I have at this point. Waiting for time to pass, so I can go on with the "normal life" I used to take for granted. I know one day all of this waiting will be over and I will be able to do the things I cannot now. For now, I just have to wait. Wait for my PTI to begin and then end. Wait for the time I can get my license back again. Wait for the SR22 period to be over. Wait to be on my own again. Wait to open my heart & soul to someone who will honestly appreciates the person I am and not judge me for these mistakes I have made. You have no idea how suffocated I feel. Simple things I used to do, like going naked from the bathroom to my room or listening to my stereo on 22 first thing in the morning to get going, I miss them so very much! Driving to Columbia to see Fannie or going anywhere by myself, I also miss those things and long to be the person I was before I screwed up. I was talking to a friend of mine, a teacher for mentally challenged students, who had just got her second DUI in the last month. She is basically living on people's couch, and I feel the same way. Yeah, I have a bed and my own area, but nothing private or totally my own. I thought about it later after talking with her, "Wow, I am not the only one that has done stupid things like this at my age!". Honestly, I have kicked myself for "not acting my age" and getting in all this trouble at my age. I know my story better than most and I was deprived of the "wild years", I have always been a mother. First to my sister & brother and then to my own children. I have constantly been told, in my past and present, to act my age by my Mother. I really don't understand that, because I don't feel like I am pushing 40. I still am the same person basically that I have always been. Maybe a little wiser, but still very naive - by choice! Maybe a little more cautious - but still not afraid of much of anything (well, except spiders; but I have always been) and definitely still optimistic about love, life & mankind.
So, here I am waiting.
Peace, Love & Happiness!