Waiting.....

Life has settled into a peaceful lull. The waiting is the only difficult chore I have at this point. Waiting for time to pass, so I can go on with the "normal life" I used to take for granted. I know one day all of this waiting will be over and I will be able to do the things I cannot now. For now, I just have to wait. Wait for my PTI to begin and then end. Wait for the time I can get my license back again. Wait for the SR22 period to be over. Wait to be on my own again. Wait to open my heart & soul to someone who will honestly appreciates the person I am and not judge me for these mistakes I have made. You have no idea how suffocated I feel. Simple things I used to do, like going naked from the bathroom to my room or listening to my stereo on 22 first thing in the morning to get going, I miss them so very much! Driving to Columbia to see Fannie or going anywhere by myself, I also miss those things and long to be the person I was before I screwed up. I was talking to a friend of mine, a teacher for mentally challenged students, who had just got her second DUI in the last month. She is basically living on people's couch, and I feel the same way. Yeah, I have a bed and my own area, but nothing private or totally my own. I thought about it later after talking with her, "Wow, I am not the only one that has done stupid things like this at my age!". Honestly, I have kicked myself for "not acting my age" and getting in all this trouble at my age. I know my story better than most and I was deprived of the "wild years", I have always been a mother. First to my sister & brother and then to my own children. I have constantly been told, in my past and present, to act my age by my Mother. I really don't understand that, because I don't feel like I am pushing 40. I still am the same person basically that I have always been. Maybe a little wiser, but still very naive - by choice! Maybe a little more cautious - but still not afraid of much of anything (well, except spiders; but I have always been) and definitely still optimistic about love, life & mankind.
So, here I am waiting.
Peace, Love & Happiness!