The State of Mind Address
Okay, where do I begin???
Not many people even read this blog, so I guess it really doesn't make a big difference where I start. Or if I skip around a lot. Hell, it doesn't matter if I say anything at all really.
Home life.
I live with my Momma. I don't even see the end of this path and it makes me feel like the biggest loser in the Universe. I found out this week that I will not be able to get a drivers license until April 25, 2007 at 12:01 am; like the damn DMV will be open then! Why do they even put that on the letter? If that date sounds familiar to my many readers out there, it is the same night I screwed up and got my DUI. The reason they gave me so long was, well I am a dumbass. I refused the breathalizer, I got a DUI and I left the scene of an accident twice that night; therefore I lost my license three times that night. Once for not taking the test, once for DUI and once for losing all my points. So, after I get my drivers license back I get to pay for SR22 insurance for three years. How the hell I am suppose to pay for all that and regular bills and eat; I just don't know. Basically, home life sucks; cause I hate living with my Momma. I wish she would do something other than exist. She has given up on life and wonders why she is so unhappy! Her only activities are playing on the computer, going to the WH for coffee with the geriatric group and doctor's appointments. I feel like a shit for being critical of her, but damn she is only 61 and acts as if her life is over.
Work.
I really love my job most days. I am the low man on the totem pole, so my views are not as respected as others in my department. The place I work is 90% family and it is nice most of the times. My immediate supervisor is the owner's sister. Bless her heart, she is not the brightest crayon and very scattered brained too boot. She tries too hard to do everything and ends up accomplishing very little. And this is the pattern she follows everyday. Everybody that knows me knows I am very detailed; almost to the obsessive point. This woman makes me crazy with her lack of organization. The part time woman that works with us is a puzzle to me, very moody and since she only works part time a lot of her work is scattered too. The technicians that work in the shop love that they finally get their parts and supplies in a timely manner and have heaped kudos on me galore. I am too critical of myself and feel like I should be doing more to help with the organization of the department, but I feel as if I am shoveling snow in a blizzard.
Personal Life.
I have got to spend a good amount of time with the children and have enjoyed it immensely. I have made a commitment to be without a relationship for a year. I am lonely. I hate being alone. I feel like an empty shell. That is so pathetic. I have very few friends and I have no choice but to keep it that way. I cannot drive and I live with my parents. I am kind of confused about one person in my life right now. I work with him and socialize with him. He is coming out of a horrible divorce and it really scarred him, plus his health is not the best. I have known him for quiet a while and it is really ironic how he keeps showing up in my life. Believe me, I am not ready for anything more than a friendship and he has not infringed on that in the least. He does make comments at times that throw me off and I find I really enjoy being around him. I will let you know how I feel about this all when I figure it out. My best friend has been very supportive thru this time in my life and if I didn't have this job I would be out of here and sitting in Seattle right now. I feel like I have been a poisonous friend lately though; I feel like I never have anything good to report. Only bad news and lets face it who wants to always hear that shit?
So, there it is. Come back(all two of you that read this) in a few months and maybe, just maybe I might have something positive to share.
Not many people even read this blog, so I guess it really doesn't make a big difference where I start. Or if I skip around a lot. Hell, it doesn't matter if I say anything at all really.
Home life.
I live with my Momma. I don't even see the end of this path and it makes me feel like the biggest loser in the Universe. I found out this week that I will not be able to get a drivers license until April 25, 2007 at 12:01 am; like the damn DMV will be open then! Why do they even put that on the letter? If that date sounds familiar to my many readers out there, it is the same night I screwed up and got my DUI. The reason they gave me so long was, well I am a dumbass. I refused the breathalizer, I got a DUI and I left the scene of an accident twice that night; therefore I lost my license three times that night. Once for not taking the test, once for DUI and once for losing all my points. So, after I get my drivers license back I get to pay for SR22 insurance for three years. How the hell I am suppose to pay for all that and regular bills and eat; I just don't know. Basically, home life sucks; cause I hate living with my Momma. I wish she would do something other than exist. She has given up on life and wonders why she is so unhappy! Her only activities are playing on the computer, going to the WH for coffee with the geriatric group and doctor's appointments. I feel like a shit for being critical of her, but damn she is only 61 and acts as if her life is over.
Work.
I really love my job most days. I am the low man on the totem pole, so my views are not as respected as others in my department. The place I work is 90% family and it is nice most of the times. My immediate supervisor is the owner's sister. Bless her heart, she is not the brightest crayon and very scattered brained too boot. She tries too hard to do everything and ends up accomplishing very little. And this is the pattern she follows everyday. Everybody that knows me knows I am very detailed; almost to the obsessive point. This woman makes me crazy with her lack of organization. The part time woman that works with us is a puzzle to me, very moody and since she only works part time a lot of her work is scattered too. The technicians that work in the shop love that they finally get their parts and supplies in a timely manner and have heaped kudos on me galore. I am too critical of myself and feel like I should be doing more to help with the organization of the department, but I feel as if I am shoveling snow in a blizzard.
Personal Life.
I have got to spend a good amount of time with the children and have enjoyed it immensely. I have made a commitment to be without a relationship for a year. I am lonely. I hate being alone. I feel like an empty shell. That is so pathetic. I have very few friends and I have no choice but to keep it that way. I cannot drive and I live with my parents. I am kind of confused about one person in my life right now. I work with him and socialize with him. He is coming out of a horrible divorce and it really scarred him, plus his health is not the best. I have known him for quiet a while and it is really ironic how he keeps showing up in my life. Believe me, I am not ready for anything more than a friendship and he has not infringed on that in the least. He does make comments at times that throw me off and I find I really enjoy being around him. I will let you know how I feel about this all when I figure it out. My best friend has been very supportive thru this time in my life and if I didn't have this job I would be out of here and sitting in Seattle right now. I feel like I have been a poisonous friend lately though; I feel like I never have anything good to report. Only bad news and lets face it who wants to always hear that shit?
So, there it is. Come back(all two of you that read this) in a few months and maybe, just maybe I might have something positive to share.
posted by lifemundane at 4:59 PM
0 Comments:
Post a Comment
<< Home