A Hard Look at My Life as it Stands Now.
I am a screw-up.
I do not make good choices.
I miss Wonderful Man.
I have to take some responsibility for how the relationship ended, because I know I can be one mean bitch when I get angry and drink. It has been 11 days since I have had a drink and I want one (or a million) so badly. On April 25th I was charged with leaving the scene of two accidents (I hit two parked cars leaving the bar after meeting with Wonderful Man) and a DUI. My other charges that I wouldn't talk about before are as follows: Child neglect by a custodian( Nate the Great was with me during fight and drinking; asleep, but still with me), possession of weed and paraphanalia (I did not know it was there, and truthfully it was a piece no longer than 5 cm, the paraphanalia was not mine, but in the house that belonged to me). I cannot really say I think I am an alcoholic, as my body is not addicted to it...I am a depressed person with no self worth and have been for years (Lots of baggage: molested as a child, horrible husband who remarried without divorcing me, step-mother who killed herself, just to name a few). Anyone who knows me probably thinks I am happy and secure; it's an act that I have gotten real good at. I hate myself.
I am basically homeless.
Now, I am not wanting anyone to feel sorry for me; I deserve everything I have gotten myself into. I may be going to jail, as I don't think I will be able to pay my fines. The lawyer representing me on the first charges wants 6500.00 more to handle the second set of charges; the first set I paid 5000.00. If I go to jail, I don't think it will be to good for my depression. I would never hurt myself intentionally; but I could careless what happens to me. All my family and what few friends I have not pushed away care more than I a capable of doing for myself. I HATE MERI!
I do not make good choices.
I miss Wonderful Man.
I have to take some responsibility for how the relationship ended, because I know I can be one mean bitch when I get angry and drink. It has been 11 days since I have had a drink and I want one (or a million) so badly. On April 25th I was charged with leaving the scene of two accidents (I hit two parked cars leaving the bar after meeting with Wonderful Man) and a DUI. My other charges that I wouldn't talk about before are as follows: Child neglect by a custodian( Nate the Great was with me during fight and drinking; asleep, but still with me), possession of weed and paraphanalia (I did not know it was there, and truthfully it was a piece no longer than 5 cm, the paraphanalia was not mine, but in the house that belonged to me). I cannot really say I think I am an alcoholic, as my body is not addicted to it...I am a depressed person with no self worth and have been for years (Lots of baggage: molested as a child, horrible husband who remarried without divorcing me, step-mother who killed herself, just to name a few). Anyone who knows me probably thinks I am happy and secure; it's an act that I have gotten real good at. I hate myself.
I am basically homeless.
Now, I am not wanting anyone to feel sorry for me; I deserve everything I have gotten myself into. I may be going to jail, as I don't think I will be able to pay my fines. The lawyer representing me on the first charges wants 6500.00 more to handle the second set of charges; the first set I paid 5000.00. If I go to jail, I don't think it will be to good for my depression. I would never hurt myself intentionally; but I could careless what happens to me. All my family and what few friends I have not pushed away care more than I a capable of doing for myself. I HATE MERI!
posted by lifemundane at 4:01 AM
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